Remembering Momma

On 10/11/10 my mom, Mildred Annette Harris passed away. She had a blood vessel break in her belly and her heart wasn't strong enough to take it. Me and JT were back there waiting outside her room when they pronounced her. That was the hardest thing I have ever heard in my life. Momma was just with me earlier that day at work. I sat beside her at a meeting (which by the way I normally did not do). She told me her back and hips were hurting her. Even when she was in pain, she was still a happy person. I say that, but the most I seen her was at work. I talked to her everyday through sametime (IM), we always told each other Good Morning, I Love You. It seem like weeks went by without actually seeing her. Her friend Anne that sat right in front of her knew more about what was going on with Momma than I did. Anne would email me and ask me how mom was doing... I would say "I don't know" and Anne would tell me how sick she was. I would call Momma to check on her at that point. Momma would always tell me she was fine.. but she would also go into telling me what was wrong with her. Most of the time it was her COPD. She just couldn't breathe very well.

So after they pronounced her, I had to go out and tell the family that was waiting in the waiting room. All I can remember at that point was the doctor walking me out and all I could say is "My mommy is gone, my mommy is gone".  That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. These images will stick with me for the rest of my life. I was shaking so bad, but all I could think of doing was telling all of the people she loved and that loved her that she had passed away. I don't know why, I'm guessing because I just really needed to be the one to tell them, not someone else. I know this sounds more like what it has to do with me, but this is the only way to explain what happened and how I felt. I can't explain what anyone else felt. I know they were hurting but their hurt is different than my hurt. We all love Momma and Momma loved everyone.

Tuesday we met at the funeral home (Me, Ben, Aaron, Tonia, JT, Nikki, Philip, Gary, Brandon, Jacob, Brandon Burr, Lisa) to make the arrangements.

Wednesday I went to work to clean out her desk. That was hard but I knew there was a ton of support around me.

Thursday was the visitation. There was so many people that came. There was a ton of co-workers that came to pay their respects. That meant so much to all of us. I had pictures of Momma out of her younger years. JT picked out a great outfit for Momma, her normal clothes, pink shirt and brown pants. Something she wore all of the time. She was surrounded by pictures of her grandbabies and great grandbabies.

Friday was the funeral. Again so many people were there that it filled the front and back rooms, the hall and the foyer. Uncle Doug did the service, Aunt Ginny played the organ. Aaron sang a song for granny, Alan Jackson's Sissy's Song. He did such a great job, I don't think I have ever heard anything more perfect in my life. There was about 40 cars that went to the grave site. Momma was buried in Chapel Hill. It is so peaceful there.

I imagine her life was just like many of our lives. There was always ups and downs. But the one thing you can say about Momma is that she never met a stranger. I think that was part of growing up with Granny and PawPaw Meador, they never met a stranger either. I can remember growing up, if Momma had something to eat or drink that is the first thing that I wanted. She would give it no problem. I think I did that all of my life. LOL, that's probably why I don't think twice about any child wanting a bite of my food or a drink of whatever I have. I just give it to them. Of course there are things that as a child I didn't like and that I did differently with my children but that is how we learn. I wouldn't be the person I am today without going through what I went through as a child. I have many years to cry and yell and all she did was listen. I had many years to apologize for everything I did as a child and adult that I put her through. I have to make peace that she went fast and I did have the times I had with her.

You are forever remembered Momma.. I LOVE YOU!!!

New Clothes from a great friend

10/10/10 - Yesterday I saw my friend Lisa and she gave me a big bag of clothes that she could no longer fit into. I am so grateful to have such great friends. Here are a few photos of the clothes.

1 Month

Well as of 10/07/10 I have been sleeved for 1 month. I am down 16.2lbs since surgery and a total of 36lbs since I started tracking my weight on July 29th. I have went down 2 pant sizes, I drink about 4oz at anytime and I am full, I have to remind myself to eat, my youngest son Aaron can now pick me up over his shoulder with no problem at all (I have a picture of this), I look in the mirror and I am beginning to like myself again.
 

I am still on full liquids for the rest of this week, next week I start on pureed food for 2 weeks and then on to regular foods. I am so sick of yogurt, jello, pudding, crystal lite flavorings, popsicles and soup. I am really ready for some real food. I have not had much energy because of being on liquids so I haven't been working out, just walking a little bit. I do take my vitamins everyday. I however do not get in all of my water or protein, I am full most of the time and have to remind myself to eat. The head hunger has went away some since I have come back to work. I stay so busy I don't think about eating. It's worse at home when the family is eating or when I smell food but because I don't feel the hunger all I really want is a small taste, which I do get most of the time, and then I'm done.