I weighed in at 172
Carbmaster Yogurt
1/2 poptart
piece of chicken
carbmaster yogurt
tortilla chips with a small amount of cheese dip
manicotti, a few bites of mashed potatoes and bread
a couple bites of a snickers ice cream bar
Jayden is over here and since he woke up this morning the terrible twos have been effect big time. I am so stressed from all of the yelling and screaming. We are all eating lunch right now so everything is quiet.
So Jayden started all of the yelling again and it was decided that he needed to take a nap. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep. I am so stressed. And you know what I did, I texted DH and told him about it and asked for him to take me out to dinner after he got off work. That was my first thought... FOOD!!! Wow!!! I could have just asked him to get me out of the house. I can't leave right now because I am working and I can't take a break to go walking because it's raining. Stuck in the house with all of the crying and yelling. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok something is seriously wrong with me. I got me some chips and cheese dip which by the way there wasn't much left and I have a child on me taking the stuff away from me. Man that just pissed me off. What is wrong with me, a child should have whatever they want to eat over you eating it. Now I just have a feeling that none will be left and I will sit here being pissed off about it! Let me just say this that she is 4 and she has been eating all day so it's not like I'm starving her. But man!!!! This sucks today!! So I was just over reacting as usual. She gave me the bag back shortly after I wrote about it. But I was still so stressed that when DH came home I got dressed up and we went out to eat and went to the book store. I had a lemonade mixed drink which was pretty good but I sure was feeling sick afterwards. I am feeling better that I am back home now that it's time to go to bed. Hopefully my meds will kick in soon and I will be asleep.
Talk to you tomorrow!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Wednesday March 7, 2012
Today I am 18months post op from my VSG. I weighed in this morning at 172 and when I did my measurements I actually gained an inch in my chest waist and hips. And looking at my weight chart (I didn't log last months numbers) since January I have gained 10lbs. That feels awful to me and I hate it. Now I do take all of the blame because of my bad habits of not eating correctly and not moving (exercising). Even though my eating was very bad today I at least got out and walked and played with my nephew outside.
Here is my days activities
Got up at 445am
Took my shower
Started working
Stopped working at 315pm
Did a few dishes, swept and mopped the kitchen floor, changed the cat liter
Sat and watched a little bit of tv
Went walking around the block
Played outside with my nephew
Watched tv
Its 830pm and I am writing this and watching tv. Waiting for my meds to kick in so I can go to sleep.
Boring day huh, well trust me that is more activity than I have done in a long while. Its usually get up, shower, work, get off work, watch tv, go to bed
Things have got to change. I did not have this surgery to get fat and unhealthy again. I just don't know how to overcome my addiction to food and my fear of doing things alone. This has always been a part of me and I understand it will take a lot of effort to change the habits and fears. But man, it really feels like things will never change.
Oh yeah food, let's see if I remember
Carbmaster yogurt
2 cheese snacks
Tortilla Chips (multiple times today)
Roast (a full bowl, not a kiddie bowl, a regular bowl)
3 pieces of chocolate
I'm sure I'm missing something.
Well that's all for now, talk to you tomorrow
Here is my days activities
Got up at 445am
Took my shower
Started working
Stopped working at 315pm
Did a few dishes, swept and mopped the kitchen floor, changed the cat liter
Sat and watched a little bit of tv
Went walking around the block
Played outside with my nephew
Watched tv
Its 830pm and I am writing this and watching tv. Waiting for my meds to kick in so I can go to sleep.
Boring day huh, well trust me that is more activity than I have done in a long while. Its usually get up, shower, work, get off work, watch tv, go to bed
Things have got to change. I did not have this surgery to get fat and unhealthy again. I just don't know how to overcome my addiction to food and my fear of doing things alone. This has always been a part of me and I understand it will take a lot of effort to change the habits and fears. But man, it really feels like things will never change.
Oh yeah food, let's see if I remember
Carbmaster yogurt
2 cheese snacks
Tortilla Chips (multiple times today)
Roast (a full bowl, not a kiddie bowl, a regular bowl)
3 pieces of chocolate
I'm sure I'm missing something.
Well that's all for now, talk to you tomorrow
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday March 5, 2012
Didn't weigh in today
What I've eaten so far today
2 scrambled eggs with 1 piece of toast
Grande Marble Mocha Machiato with a slice of banana nut bread
Carb Master Blackberry yogurt
Small portion of roast beef, carrots, green beans
Hershey Bar
2 Cheese Sticks
Still not doing good on my water. I get maybe 4 glasses in everyday. Without ice it's a 12oz glass of water, with ice it's a 10oz glass of water. It normally takes me a while to drink it so the ice is already melted making it a 12oz glass. So I need to add a few more glasses.
I went to see the dentist today about my jaw. It has been hurting me for a month now. When I got my teeth cleaned last month my jaw popped and it has been hurting. It gives me a earache and a headache. I also hurts to eat the tougher foods. He gave me some meds and told me to wear a night guard to keep from grinding my teeth at night. He also said it is something that will need to be worked out with meds.
I had to borrow money from my nephew to get my meds that cost $75 for 5 prescriptions. And I had to borrow money from S1 to pay the rent. I don't understand why our money goes so fast, we didn't even do anything this weekend and it was all gone. Sucks a lot of the time but have to be thankful that we all have jobs and that we are all willing to pitch in and help pay the bills around here.
I am feeling more anxiety today and had to take more of meds than usual. I didn't find myself eating though which is very good. Luckily I was working when the anxiety was at it's highest so that kept me distracted and away from the fridge. Since I got off work I have eaten my dinner and snack. I have kept busy by looking at the OH website and now writing my blog. But it will be time to take my meds again in a little while and go to sleep and that tends to be when I want to eat. I think I am fighting going to sleep but don't know why because I am taking something to put me to sleep. Weird I know. But I believe I am weird in a lot of ways.
Now that I have it on my mind let's look at the ways that I am weird
1. I want attention but can not stand to be around anyone
2. I talk to myself inside my head, having real conversations on whatever it is that I am thinking about.
3. I worry about what other people all of the time but don't want to take the time to check on them because I don't want to have to deal with them
4. I am scared to go anywhere by myself because I believe something is going to happen to me even though in reality I know there is a very slim chance of that happening. I also allow this feeling to keep me from doing almost everything in my life. Including hanging out with friends, exercising, sitting outside, going walking...I could go on
Well I know there is more but can't think of anything else right now.
What I've eaten so far today
2 scrambled eggs with 1 piece of toast
Grande Marble Mocha Machiato with a slice of banana nut bread
Carb Master Blackberry yogurt
Small portion of roast beef, carrots, green beans
Hershey Bar
2 Cheese Sticks
Still not doing good on my water. I get maybe 4 glasses in everyday. Without ice it's a 12oz glass of water, with ice it's a 10oz glass of water. It normally takes me a while to drink it so the ice is already melted making it a 12oz glass. So I need to add a few more glasses.
I went to see the dentist today about my jaw. It has been hurting me for a month now. When I got my teeth cleaned last month my jaw popped and it has been hurting. It gives me a earache and a headache. I also hurts to eat the tougher foods. He gave me some meds and told me to wear a night guard to keep from grinding my teeth at night. He also said it is something that will need to be worked out with meds.
I had to borrow money from my nephew to get my meds that cost $75 for 5 prescriptions. And I had to borrow money from S1 to pay the rent. I don't understand why our money goes so fast, we didn't even do anything this weekend and it was all gone. Sucks a lot of the time but have to be thankful that we all have jobs and that we are all willing to pitch in and help pay the bills around here.
I am feeling more anxiety today and had to take more of meds than usual. I didn't find myself eating though which is very good. Luckily I was working when the anxiety was at it's highest so that kept me distracted and away from the fridge. Since I got off work I have eaten my dinner and snack. I have kept busy by looking at the OH website and now writing my blog. But it will be time to take my meds again in a little while and go to sleep and that tends to be when I want to eat. I think I am fighting going to sleep but don't know why because I am taking something to put me to sleep. Weird I know. But I believe I am weird in a lot of ways.
Now that I have it on my mind let's look at the ways that I am weird
1. I want attention but can not stand to be around anyone
2. I talk to myself inside my head, having real conversations on whatever it is that I am thinking about.
3. I worry about what other people all of the time but don't want to take the time to check on them because I don't want to have to deal with them
4. I am scared to go anywhere by myself because I believe something is going to happen to me even though in reality I know there is a very slim chance of that happening. I also allow this feeling to keep me from doing almost everything in my life. Including hanging out with friends, exercising, sitting outside, going walking...I could go on
Well I know there is more but can't think of anything else right now.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Sunday March 4, 2012
Today is Sunday 03/04/12 and I weighed in at 169.4
Well today has started off crappy. I bought a dish drainer yesterday because I was tired of seeing all of the dishes pile up. I told S2 and the nephew if they dirty a dish they have to wash it. Well what did I wake up too? Dirty dishes in the sink. Trash on the floor of the kitchen and livingroom. Man I am so sick of this. So stressed, I just want to sleep!!!!
Well that's exactly what I did today is sleep. I slept till 4:30pm. Home alone with DH, wonderful. No noise just us two.
Food, well nothing good for me I'll say that.
Protein shake
Lots of grapes
Cheese
Chips and Salsa
Snickers Ice Cream Bar
Talk to you tomorrow
Well today has started off crappy. I bought a dish drainer yesterday because I was tired of seeing all of the dishes pile up. I told S2 and the nephew if they dirty a dish they have to wash it. Well what did I wake up too? Dirty dishes in the sink. Trash on the floor of the kitchen and livingroom. Man I am so sick of this. So stressed, I just want to sleep!!!!
Well that's exactly what I did today is sleep. I slept till 4:30pm. Home alone with DH, wonderful. No noise just us two.
Food, well nothing good for me I'll say that.
Protein shake
Lots of grapes
Cheese
Chips and Salsa
Snickers Ice Cream Bar
Talk to you tomorrow
Saturday March 3, 2012
Today is Saturday 03/03/12 and I weighed in at 170lbs.
Me and S1 went to the store and got lots of protein packed food. I had a Strawberry Mint Kroger Brand Greek yogurt with grapes. Wasn't the best but the protein is good. I have also had a grande extra coffee caramel frappaccino and a banana nut bread. Its a very beautiful day and I really should be outside right now but no, not in the mood. But whatever, eventually it will sink in that I don't want to get fat again.
Me and S1 went to the store and got lots of protein packed food. I had a Strawberry Mint Kroger Brand Greek yogurt with grapes. Wasn't the best but the protein is good. I have also had a grande extra coffee caramel frappaccino and a banana nut bread. Its a very beautiful day and I really should be outside right now but no, not in the mood. But whatever, eventually it will sink in that I don't want to get fat again.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday 02/29/12
Wednesday February 29, 2012
February 29, 2012 10:22pm
February 29, 2012 10:22pm
Up at 6am, took a shower, dresses, did my hair and makeup just because I wanted to. All meds taken and 1 protein shake drank. Started work at 645 with music playing. 1045am just had a chocolate coconut protein bar and still working on my 1st glass of water. Its noon and lunch time. Started on my 2nd glass of water. I think Im going to read some. Not really hungry right now. Its a dreary day. Ive got the window open a little to let some fresh air in. So sleepy right now but Ive too much work to do to take a nap. 215pm just had a peanut fudge granola protein bar and fixing to start on my 3rd glass of water. Its almost 1030pm. I am about done reading the last book of Cirque Du Freak then I will be going to sleep. I had 2 slices of pizza for dinner and I am on my 5th glass of water. Goodnight all, talk to you tomorrow
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