I slept in today. Which was good I guess. Then me and Ben went riding on the motorcycle. That is the first time in I guess a year that I have been on a motorcycle. It was very nice to get out and ride for a while today. I had a BBQ sandwich without the bread today and barely could eat it. Which isn't surprising because I shouldn't be able to eat all of it. But what worried me was the sharp stinging pain in my belly up my side after I ate. I felt that yesterday too. I will keep an eye on it and if it seems to get worse then I will go see the doctor.
Now for the kid situation. I still haven't talked to any of them since Friday and they must not care because they haven't tried to talk to me either. I don't know what I am suppose to do. For me it's all one way or another way, there is no middle ground. I love them with all of my heart so it breaks my heart the way they act toward me and other people. They only seem to care about themselves. I have to beg and stand over them to get them to go or do anything with me. I have showed them how important it is to be there for people. Sometimes they do, but when it seems to matter in the smallest ways, like going to someones college graduation, no. Going to the movies with me and Ben, gotta stand over them until they get the picture I'm not going anywhere without them. I just don't know how to act or feel when they well basically don't do what I want them to do. Now for those of you reading this, don't get the picture that I am always asking them to do stuff for me. They live in my house, I feed them and I even give them money and they both have jobs. I ask for simple things, like mmmm, maybe mow the yard once a month instead of having your mother do it when there are 4 men the house. Reminds me of Momma and how she would be out there sweating mowing the yard and none of kids cared. I guess I'm getting that back. Or let's see, you dirty a dish, well wash it instead of just putting it in the sink and watching the dishes pile up. Then say, well I don't want to do it because I didn't make all of the mess so why should I clean it all up. Well duh, if you had cleaned up your mess when you made it then there wouldn't be a mess. Again something I didn't want to do either when growing up. I swear the pass few days I have wanted to throw every dish in the house against the wall and break everything and say "Well if no one wants to clean up their own damn mess and blame everyone else for making, there will be no damn dishes to dirty up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". But of course I didn't. I kept that to myself. How to I do half way? How do I make them understand that we are all living together and need to make an effort to clean up our own messes? I get so tired of talking about it, so tired of ASKING everyone to pick up THEIR stuff. I don't want to go to the extreme of throwing stuff away because I hated that when my stepfather did that to us. But I am at a loss to what to do. Man I could just keep talking about how angry I am at these kids... Oh and while I am thinking about it. I asked Aaron just the other day when he was going to mow the yard, he said on Sunday because he didn't have to work. Well it's 8pm and dark out and the yard has not been cut. Another weekend being lied too. I guess his friends are more important than keeping his word to his mother. Since I am so mad about all of this, if Ben is up when and if Aaron decides to come home tonight I will get him to ask why he didn't mow the yard today.
NOT HAPPY!!!!
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